Divine Advice - Part 4

Actual advice from a higher power

Back in the day, the days of early drafts and no discipline, my writing was mostly crack comedy. The drama was there, too, but it was mostly crack. Subsequent drafts came and slowly the drama took over and became the majority. The crack still remains, however. Spread throughout my (book) work like semi-firm cheese that you are trying to spread over a soft piece of bread. Now with these posts, these recordings, I am unhinged from the chains of large editing cycles and refinement and I am free to leave them as cracky as possible because that is what they are. Something something something I love it. Whatever. So, without further rambling, the continuation of this madness:

–Beginning Basic Narration of Recording 13–

“We are back,” Sarela says as the duo of Empirians sparkle back into the recorder’s viewing and Grapefruit’s viewing.

The pyramid, still tinted the purple-pink of the fruit offered to her, lurches upward at their coming. “Excellent.”

“Yes,” Lapadj says near lifelessly. Then a shudder overtakes him and he shakes his head. “It is excellent because you are going to answer the question I brought you here for.”

That was the reason,” Grapefruit says like it was secret that was revealed. “Please, ask. I am not sure if I will be able to answer it, though. Everything feels so hazy…”

“Is the Human programming regiment of Test Driven Development valuable or blasphemous?” Lapadj asks bluntly.

The Goddess considers the inquiry for a long while. Then something like inspiration and a revelation must have struck her because the pyramid projection of her being jumped into the air and fell back down onto the ground.

“I am beginning to recall everything now,” she says. “Maybe not everything. Just some things of importance that has transpired in the programming community of the Human civilization.”

“All three, or just this generation?” Sarela inquires. Lapadj stares at her. “What? It is a valid question. Vehk. Shi sho, shi sho.”

“This generation,” the Goddess eventually replies. “I recall philosophies. Test Driven Development. Agile. Extreme Programming.”

“And do you find them agreeable?” Lapadj asks. “Are they correct?”

Silence comes from the pyramid representation of the Goddess for sometime. This time is approximately 13.33 seconds, truncated down from stream of three’s in a mildly holy count. Although neither Lapadj nor Sarela knew of it, events were conspiring to be truly auspicious.

“Correct sometimes, but not always,” the Goddess answers, eliciting a sigh from Lapadj. “Test Driven Development works when there really is not a strong idea of where things are going. Tests are good regardless, for Humans anyway, because their tools and knowledge are weak so they need nets to keep themselves from failing too much. They are being humble about their abilities. The philosophy is a way of enforcing a structure that compensates for it and promotes ‘clean code.’ Clean code being something that is not completely useless and has the ability to be used by other ignorant Humans and expanded upon. As Humans have a short lifespan in both their profession and in lifespans, they need to be able to make sure their creations are able to be understood by subsequent generations of programmers. Test Driven Development creates a framework for that to be potentially effective. So, basically, this programming philosophy is just a way to manage themselves knowing well of their many weaknesses.”

“That…that makes sense,” Lapadj admits, “but you said not always. When is this wrong?” Sarela cackles.

“When they do know where they are going with their concept,” Grapefruit replies, voice still holding a more cool and formal tone. “When the overhead management of the project is tight and controlled. Design by committee is a term for that. Tests are still needed, but they are not necessarily needed to be done first as the goal is clear.”

“So it all has to do with bureaucracy,” Sarela murmurs. “That seems obvious in retrospect.” She pauses. “Then again—everything is.” Lapadj tries to click his fingers but fails as he is still cloaked as a Human.

“Did that answer your question, Lapadj?” the Goddess of Programming asks.

He mumbles out: “Aye.”

The pyramid does something like a sigh. “Good! Is there anything else I can do for you or should I return to being a faded God?”

Lapadj seems to consider her question carefully. He glances at Sarela. She does not look back; she continues to stare at the Empirian-like pyramid on the floor below. The Kharatzara cloaking as a Human cocks his head back and forth and then nods vigorously like a Human.

“Why not stay here with us?” Lapadj asks. “You are useless going back to where you came from. Stay here and help us complete our mission.”

“There is no reason why not to stay, so I shall stay. This is great. Thank you. Etae to!” the Goddess exclaims merrily and then lurches into the air. “I should really take another form.” As she drops back down to the ground she transforms into a Human-fruit–a grapefruit. “Excellent. I can blend in now. I am ready for Human observation.”

“Excellent,” Lapadj states dully. “I am not.”

And then he walks away with the sound of Sarela laughing hysterically bringing the view to an end.

–Ending Basic Narration of Recording 13–

I’m 0 for 2 on writing a God (non-Empirian) that isn’t weird/quirky/insane. I say non-Empirian because the Ascended is machiavellian and Haeihlseth is just extremely apathetic.